Congratulations, you’ve got junk mail!

Last week’s post about automated ladies and other terrors of technology got me thinking about related electronic gripes. Topping my “love to hate it” list is junk mail. Even though I supposedly have Spam filters in place, one of my e-mail accounts is particularly prone to receiving bizarre offers. In recent weeks I have received congratulatory e-mails with the following subject lines:

You have qualified to attend Forensics School!
What, I wonder, would have identified me as a prime candidate for forensics school? The fact that I wrote a term paper on Egyptian mummies in Grade Six? The fact that I have watched a few episodes of CSI since then? Will the fact that I faint at the sight of blood prove to be a career impediment? Duh, maybe. Delete.

Your credit application has been approved!
There’s a time-saver. I didn’t even need to apply, and the cash is practically on the way. I wonder if the 34% interest rate will get to be a drag? Darn. Delete.

Congratulations! You have won laser eye surgery!
Finally, something I can use! I do have cataracts developing, along with a couple of pesky floaters in my right eye. Why not just expose my precious retina to a “doctor” who does drop-in house calls via Spam?? Nah. Delete.

Romance awaits!  We’ve found your ideal mate!!
Hmm. This is going to be news to Kayak Guy. I don’t recall asking anyone to scout around for me, but I can’t help wondering what my “ideal” mate is like. If he’s not a kayaker, maybe I could actually walk through my garage – it wouldn’t be filled with a kayak up on jacks being refinished.

Maybe he looks like Brad Pitt, with a bank account to match? Or maybe he’s Latin – he could teach me to tango! Hmm. Wait … it sounds like K.G. is calling to tell me he’s just cooked me another great dinner, and it’s on the table.  Delete. Empty Trash.

 Does Junk Mail get you down? How do you handle it?

© Judith Millar 2009. All rights reserved.

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One Response to “Congratulations, you’ve got junk mail!”

  1. Lucienne Wareham Says:

    Personally I don’t think that Mr. Handsome has received enough accolades for his humanitarian efforts. In my opinion a lot of celebrity do-gooders are totally phony and engage in so called good deeds merely for positive publicity. I have to say that I don’t think that George is one of the phonies out there in the world of celbrity do-gooders. I admire what he is doing for the Haitian people. I wish more celebrities were as real as he is when it comes to helping out those less fortunate in the world. So kudos to George and his desire to make this world a better place.

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