If there’s one thing I hate to hear, it’s an automated voice at the other end of the phone assuring me how much I matter to her … then telling me to choose one of the next nine menu options so she can figure out how to “redirect my call.” I’ve written a spoof entitled “The Automated Lady” which I present at my readings, and I’ve found I am sure not alone on this. The “automated lady” is one lady we all love to hate!
There is no way to retaliate against her sugary-sweet reminder that her menu options have changed so I should listen carefully (instead of pounding zero like I’m doing.) How can I respond to a melodically mechanized voice that tells me she “doesn’t recognize” my response, after I have been hollering “Accounts, please” for a full minute? And why am I even saying “please” to an automated lady!? To release my frustration, I have taken scribbling on pictures of automated ladies. It is therapeutic. I highly recommend it.
Now if I could just find therapies for some of the other things in life that bug me. Like e-mail. I actually like e-mail, and find it an efficient way to keep in touch. However, the other day I fired up my laptop, and it commenced to download 960 – that’s right, nine hundred and sixty! – e-mails. All were duplicates of e-mails I have previously received, which I assume some rascal out in cyberspace decided to dump down in one clump in order to brighten my day.
Sorting this out will require – you guessed it – a phone call to tech support, necessitating another run in with some automated lady! Aggghh. Even if I manage to clear her various hurdles and get through to an actual tech specialist, in my experience said “techie” is often unable to resolve my problems. Then comes the dreaded question: “May I put you on hold for a minute?” Off he (or she) prances to confer with a supervisor (or share in the office pizza which I suspect was just delivered).
How do you cope with “automated ladies,” and the like?
© Judith Millar 2009. All rights reserved.
Good news! The nominees have been announced, and MillarLITE is in the running for the best humour blog in Canada! If you enjoy MillarLITE, your vote can help move it into the finals. Voting is easy. Go here to find MillarLITE in the list of “Humour” blogs. Click the tab to its right, and rank MillarLITE 1st. Click “vote” at the bottom of the screen, and click to confirm. THANK YOU!
If you have any “clicks” left in you, MillarLITE is also nominated in the best “New” blog category … and four individual posts have been nominated in best “Blog Post” category. You can find all categories – including Humour – listed here.) First round voting is allowed until Dec. 12, and a blog needs lots of support to win, so please vote early and often!! Take a look around the categories, and you’ll discover some other great blogs too! I’m a Quick Brown Fox fan myself (to vote for QBF, go to “Culture and Literary“).