Posts Tagged ‘kayaking’

Special Days

November 11, 2009

 PoppyToday is Remembrance Day – or, depending on where in the world you are reading this, you may say Veterans’ Day. There is nothing funny about the enormous sacrifices that have been made on our behalf; those very sacrifices allow us to enjoy the good life, love and laughter that we are privileged to enjoy each and every day. I hope you paused today to count your blessings; many came at great cost.

I’m all for designating special days so we “remember to remember” what really matters. The “special day” thing seems to be getting out of hand, though. The other day I stumbled onto a website that lists bizarre and funny “holidays” by month – there’s one for almost every day of the year.

Male cookDid you know you’ve just missed National “Men Make Dinner” day?  This apparently happens every November 5th. You may want to make note of that for next year. For me, there’s no need. In our house, Kayak Guy mostly makes dinner, which has a lot to do with why we eat as well as we do. You may recall I mentioned in Julie & Julia & Judith that cooking is not my forté. Or even my mediocreté.

Do I know I am a pampered princess? I do. And seeing the mention of national “Men Make Dinner” day reminded me that I do not thank Kayak Guy often enough for his ongoing culinary efforts. So last night I made a point of praising every item on the plate. His reply? “HUH?”

Male kayakerIt’s not that he doesn’t appreciate being appreciated. It’s just that Kayak Guy is suffering from Kayak Ear. He’s been practising kayak rolls – learning to right himself by purposely flipping over – and he neglected to wear his ear protection. He now has water in the ear – and an inability to hear compliments (or complaints, for that matter). I have so far resisted the urge to say “nah-nah-nah-nah-nah, that’ll teach you!” – mostly since rubbing it in isn’t as much fun when the victim can’t actually hear you. I hope he’ll be able to hear how much I enjoyed last night’s pork medallions by next Tuesday, when his antibiotic has kicked in.

There are some other special days coming up according to the Bizarre Holiday list that you might want to make note of.  November 15th is “Clean your Refrigerator” Day. Which I should probably consider “celebrating” since there is something growing in the crisper of my Whirlpool Side-by-Side that is definitely not crisp. November 19th is apparently “Have a Bad Day Day” – I guess for those of us who tire of having folks constantly tell us to “Have a Great Day.”

Chef cooks chickenAnd looking ahead to next month, I see that December 8th has been designated – or should I say “earmarked”? –  National “Take it in the Ear” Day. (I kid you not.) I considered pointing this out to Kayak Guy, but decided he might fail to see the humour. And keeping a happy chef in my kitchen is definitely in my long-term best interest. I know which side my bread is buttered on. It’s all about “remembering to remember” what really matters.

What “special days” do you celebrate?

© Judith Millar 2009. All rights reserved.

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Kayaking for Klutzes

August 19, 2009

Kayak GirlI’ll come right out with it: I am athletically challenged. It has been a lifelong affliction. When my mother confirmed I was a breech birth, it came as no surprise. I think I vaguely recall tumbling around in there, trying to get my head part aimed down. I couldn’t get the hang of it. My left knee had become hooked over my right elbow. Aiming my tush part out seemed like my only option. It was the first of many humiliations.

The world is not sympathetic to the athletically challenged. We bunters are picked last in baseball. We, the flotationally challenged, do not make the swim team. I cringe to recall a bloody run-in I once had with a box horse at Eastwood Collegiate. (It was an evil box horse, a relative of that car with an evil mind of its own that Stephen King once wrote about. It had it in for me. It won.)

So when my husband – also known as Kayak Guy – began pestering me to enrol in Beginner kayaking, I felt that old familiar feeling known to klutzes the world over: Dread. This was going to hurt. The box horse in my brain snorted in anticipation.

“Dear God, just don’t let me be the worst one,” I prayed as we waited for our instructor to arrive. I believe I actually heard Him chuckle. As if. The student next to me mentioned she’s an avid hiker who plans to climb Mount Kilimanjaro next year. I sighed, and switched to my survival prayer.

2009 08 11 Judy kayaks_croppedK.G. snapped this photo of me from his kayak. I am at least afloat in the boat. Yes, I look intense. You would look intense too if your mind was screaming: “Look out. Look out! You are going to crash into the teacher’s kayak!!”  Which I unfortunately did. Or rather, which the evil kayak did, with me as its terrified hostage. The instructor was very nice about it. She said it was OK (although I saw her scanning her boat for damage with a strained look on her face).

That was two days ago. I would have typed this yesterday, but I could not turn my neck to the right. Pinched nerve. Today it’s a little better, thanks to the miracle of muscle relaxants. Soon I’ll be back to normal. As normal as we klutzes get.

© 2009 Judith Millar. All rights reserved.

 Any kindred spirit klutzes out there? What’s your worst calamity?